FRIENDSHIP SUPPORT, LONG-DISTANCE

by Marcus Bolande and William Tziavaras

MENTAL HEALTH SUPPORT HAS TO BE THE TOUGHEST TYPE OF SUPPORT TO FIND FOR NONSPEAKERS. BUT HERE’S THE GOOD NEWS: WE FIND THE MOST EFFECTIVE SUPPORT COMES FROM A SIMPLE CONNECTION BETWEEN TWO SPELLER FRIENDS.  HERE’S OUR STORY.

MARCUS: If I hadn’t met my pen pal when I did, my life would be so much harder. I depend on William to get perspective and to realize that others have similar troubles with living as I have. 

At the time I was first able to spell open (open communication), my Dad searched for another speller to be my pen pal. I was eight, so that must have been four years ago. He told me that there was a boy in Toronto the same age as me and the same spelling level. I was so excited, because I had no friends and, living in Yangon, I had never met another speller.

WILLIAM: When we first met I thought we would have little to say to one another except the usual conversation about school subjects and how far away we lived. My expectations were well exceeded. The idea that we would become true best friends and powerful emotional trustees to one another didn’t cross my mind.

I saw friends at school that could speak, play, and connect with each other but I’m pretty sure they don’t take the opportunity to share their worst thoughts and memories with each other.

Marcus is responsible for a lot of my security with my own self-worth. He is very supportive.

My thoughts on aging with a disability make me worry a lot, however, these thoughts are less daunting knowing Marcus is in the world.  I pray he is always in my life. Having him around makes me happy.  We are kindred spirits.

Being able to share our most personal thoughts and fears in a message or a hangout online is like therapy.  

Marcus, having a public discussion with you feels so frightening but also fun. The reason I am scared is because our friendship is on display.  I hope you can encourage me with your wisdom. You are a brave person.

MARCUS:  I know, it is weird to be in front of an audience. However, I’m not shy about being your friend.

I agree. My chats and letters with you help me to survive! Sometimes, when I am worried about something, William helps me see it differently. I know that I can believe him because he has the same life as I do. Advice from neurotypical people always seems less likely to apply to me, so isn’t as comforting.

WILLIAM: No one is as reasonable as another nonspeaker, even more so one that has similar fears concerning life. Marcus is facing many of the same challenges as I am. When he gives me sympathetic encouragement, he isn’t being unrealistic about how I will feel.  He gets me.

I can’t imagine life without (Marcus’ dad) Hyam and Marcus’ weekly visit to our home via laptop, twelve- hours’-difference away.  Our penpalling has evolved to Google Meets, and it is amazing to see them every week.

I would recommend a group or buddy hangout to all nonspeakers.  Even very new spellers that can’t openly communicate have the ability to comfort each other and feel less lonely with another ailing heart to kill time with.  

MARCUS:  When we talk, it’s morning for me and suppertime for William. My day is always brighter and more positive on the days we talk.

William and Giorgena (his Mom) have challenges that we know very well. However, sometimes, William and I are quite different, so I am able to accept disabilities that are not my type. We accept all, and that is friendship. 

I hope that one day, William and I will be close together and maybe housemates who support each other. I am always thinking about that day.