Love can be a difficult topic to discuss. Our spellers are not getting any younger, and one day they may express interest in dating. One question we get from parents is, “How do we start this conversation?” Well, the good news is there are many great sources to pull from, including books or TV. Everyone has their favorite romantic movie that is age-appropriate. Shorter options include blogs about dating, popular websites with quizzes like ‘Find out your love language’. Such quizzes ask questions like – Which do you prefer? Receiving surprise gifts, thoughtful personal messages, or spending time together? The New York Times has lovely vignettes called Modern Love, about modern love!
We chose a reality TV dating show, where viewers get to see young men and women navigate dating, explore life, gain advice, and ultimately find their own way.
Trigger warning: Not all shows/blogs etc. are respectful of neurodivergent people, and may depict views on sexuality preference that your speller, parent etc. will not be comfortable with. Please choose your conversation starter taking all factors into consideration. You really have to know your audience before you choose a conversation starter.
Why did we choose a dating show?
The simple answer is our spellers are of age (ages 17 – 33). It felt like a good vehicle to discuss it together. Some spellers had even begun going on dates, so we figured it was time to tune in to the show.
How did we use our book or TV materials as a vehicle for Communication?
Asking questions makes for good conversation starters. Formulate a question about something you saw on the show or read in a book together.
We had used the variety of dates we had seen (dinner, park walk, zoo, etc.) to segue into a question. To kick things off, we asked our spellers what they would do on a first date. Some of their answers even reflected their own interests. They said:
Speller 1: Surfing
Speller 2: Get pizza
Speller 3: Hike and drink wine
Speller 4: Great meal at an Italian restaurant
**Out of respect for our spellers and their confidentiality, we have replaced their names.**
Topics and Questions:
Here are more examples of other topics to formulate questions on:
- Healthy communication
- Authenticity in dating
- Places to meet someone
- Dating challenges
- Dating shows
- Ideal partner
Here are examples of questions that can be formed from those topics:
- Would you be interested in going on a dating show?
- Would you be more comfortable meeting someone on a blind date, speed date, or dating app?
- What is one thing you could say to show interest in a person?
- What traits are you looking for in a romantic partner?
- What would your response to rejection be?
- How important is it to be authentic on a date?
Asking more questions can help develop the conversation further. At times, the responses can get deeper, revealing inner feelings. Some of the responses we received showed that our spellers had fears, doubts, and reservations about dating. Some answers showed that our spellers were not looking to waste time without building a connection first, while others showed how they would communicate while dating. Below are a few of the many deep and realistic responses we have gotten from our spellers by asking more questions:
How do you think dating is different for autistics?
Speller 1: I need a way to get places. Too much to handle.
Speller 3: My confidence in finding someone who will love me is low.
What do you think about dating in short-term bouts for fun versus long-term companionship?
Speller 2: Start out as friends mostly, then see if I get bored.
Speller 3: If I’m putting in the work, I want it to last. Love can come to me as soon as people understand me better.
Speller 4: No time for flings.
Imagine you went on a date, if you were interested in going on another one, what would you say to communicate that, or maybe you weren’t interested in one, how would you say it?
Speller 2: Leave me alone. Let’s stop.
Speller 4: Being straightforward.
Ultimately, we were able to use the TV dating show to create a space to share in these meaningful conversations with our spellers. We heard their thoughtful responses about self-worth, interests, and more. These conversations serve as reminders that love can look different for everyone and that all feelings are valid. When we lead with respect and questions, it gives our spellers an opportunity to be heard, communicate, and connect.
About the Author
Kimberly Yee is a certified S2C Practitioner with CrimsonRise, NYC. Kim provides one-to-one sessions to spellers. In addition, Kimberly is an integral part of the Studio Program at CrimsonRise and develops curriculum and opportunities for spellers to advance. Kimberly mentors practitioners who intern at CrimsonRise. She is an avid lesson writer, and is an Editor for the CrimsonRise Collective publications. She is a clinical mentor, providing coaching, feedback to S2C practitioners in training
