Talk Therapy

Isaiah is a stellar speller, student, and nonspeaking advocate! It has been a pleasure to watch Isiah blossom over the past few years. He is an A-average student at Virtual High School in Ontario, Canada. He has been spelling to communicate for five years with over 1,500 hours of practice to date.

Talk Therapy is a poem that Isaiah wrote for an English class as a poetry assignment, requiring Isaiah to work with line spacing as a poetic device. This assignment guided him to write about a time-sensitive experience. Isaiah decided that nothing is more time-sensitive in a nonspeaking autistic’s life than trying to purposefully talk. Isaiah wants the world to know that nonspeaking people have been wrongfully judged by their ability (or lack of ability) to speak.

Talk Therapy

It’s time to talk.
Argh.
Sighhh.
I want my mouth to say what I am thinking,
But it rarely does.

The time teacher told me to read the toddler book
When I was ten
Was no fun.
“The elephant is big,” I said in my head
As my eyes read
And my soul dreaded
What would then always happen next:
“Isaiah, read!” teacher said with a smile.
“Isaiah, read!” my maverick mouth repeated
Over the silence of my mind screaming THE ELEPHANT IS BIG!
Each time this happened, smiley teacher would think she was helping me by explaining more.
The next thirty minutes of her showing me various pictures of other big animals, I spent dreaming of my next trip to Disney.
I didn’t want a master class in pronouncing “ele” that lasted another thirty minutes after the first thirty minutes of the big animal pictures.
I knew if I didn’t speak at least one of the words out loud, I would have to endure this hour repeated again next week.
So I tried to channel all my energy into my throat.
And make my tongue turn or twist to get the words right.

Breath in,
Hold breath and open mouth,
Tongue between teeth,
Breath push out                                                          “the”

Breath in,
Hold breath and open mouth,
Tongue between teeth and roll up,
Breath push out                                                          “ele”

Breath in,
Hold breath and open mouth,
Lips tight together and teeth on lower lip,
Breath push out                                                          “phant”

Breath in,
Hold breath and open mouth,
Teeth slightly apart and tongue against lower teeth,
Breath push out and buzz                                          “is”

Breath in,
Hold breath and open mouth,
Lips together then apart and tongue flick fast,
Breath push out hard                                                 “big.”

“Good job, Isaiah! High five!” smiley teacher said.
She sat closer to me and turned the page of the toddler book,
“Next week we’ll learn how to read this page,” she said as she pointed.
THE MOUSE IS SMALL! I screamed in my head
Watching the book close in her hands strangling my hopes
As she packed her things to go.
Argh.
Sighhh.

by Isaiah Tien Grewal, Canada